| NOM NOM my imaginary cock |
[Apr. 24th, 2009|10:48 am] |
The height of stupidity and hypocrisy of this commercial is only matched by the mountain of crack these religious whack jobs are smoking.
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| *Points and laughs* |
[Feb. 11th, 2009|10:29 am] |
+------------------------------------------------------------ -
| Anonymous user 'Highly offended Christian' wrote on your guestbook
| at Elfwood: http://www.elfwood.com/art/b/e/beckyg/sekhmet.jpg.html
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| HEY!!!!!!!!!! JESUS COMES BACK, NOT SOME STUPID FAKE CAT- FACED WOMAN OBSESSED WITH TAKING OVER THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| Written from IP number 98.233.70.148
| Message written at: Wed Feb 11 00:25:06 2009
+------------------------------------------------------------ -
+------------------------------------------------------------ -
| Anonymous user 'Highly offended Christian' wrote on your guestbook
| at Elfwood: http://www.elfwood.com/art/b/e/beckyg/sekhmet.jpg.html
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| did i mention that she's fake?
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| Written from IP number 98.233.70.148
| Message written at: Wed Feb 11 00:25:29 2009
+------------------------------------------------------------ - |
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| Why couldn't we have LOST the Civil War? Is it too late for a do-over? |
[Oct. 29th, 2008|11:09 am] |
Dear Red States:
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.
Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico
Peace out,
Blue States
And also:
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| WIN! |
[Jun. 26th, 2008|08:00 pm] |
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| LOL! |
[Feb. 12th, 2008|09:27 pm] |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 22nd, 2007|08:41 pm] |
Best. Card. Ever.
(Thanks to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) kadath for this bit o' seasonal awesomeness!) |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 3rd, 2007|12:38 pm] |
This is a little bit more about Jesus than I ever wanted to know. ;-)
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| (no subject) |
[May. 11th, 2007|11:33 am] |
The other day, I saw a bumper sticker that read "Annoy a Liberal: Work hard. Succeed. Be happy."
As stupid as this was, I wondered how much it would annoy them to know I'm a moderate democrat who is happy and successful.
Then it got me thinking about how one of the things the Christian conservatives love to do is "pity" people like me that don't have God in their life. They just REFUSE to believe that I'm actually happy and very much at peace.
Ironically, I'd made a model Christian. I'm a happily married (of 10 years) woman with a baby on the way. Never been married and divorced before. I don't cheat. I don't lie (cause I suck at it). Haven't murdered or betrayed anyone. I don't smoke. I barely drink. I'm polite and kind. I volunteer at an animal shelter. I give to the poor. I have a conscience and strong sense of right and wrong.
Amazingly, I somehow manage to be and do all these things without God.
So, I want to make a bumper sticker that says something like "Annoy a Christian: Be an atheist. Be kind. Be happy." (It's a working concept) |
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| The difference... |
[Mar. 21st, 2007|11:54 am] |
The statement "I'll pray for you" has very different meanings depending on the context.
If you pray for someone's health and well-being, that's cool. I'm superstitious enough to accept any and all types of well-wishing.
If you pray for someone's soul, you're an ass. You're basically saying that person is an unworthy scum fit for a one way ticket to hell simply because their views don't line up with your views.
The first type of prayer will get you my gratitude.
The second type of prayer will get you a sharp stick in the eye.
Can you see the difference? (Even with one eye?) If not, let me expound upon the latter for you. |
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